OHHHH Mexico....

MY latest to do list includes lots of items to get me ready for my trip to Mexico. Despite all my recent rantings , I really am a bit nervous about leaving the kids. You would think I would be on the first flight out with all my complaints. But really, this is our first time away for any length of time and I am a bit nervous.

My sister has graciously offered to care for my children, along with my mother-in-law. I hope all goes well and hope they (meaning my sister and mother-in-law) will still like me when I return LOL. A big part of me knows that everything will be fine but the other part of me wonders who will have it tougher - the kids, my family who is caring for the kids - or ME! Probably me, but I am looking forward to the R&R with my hubby.

The clothes are bought and mostly packed. The swimsuit is even flattering!!! LOL. The sun will shine, the drinks will be poured and the food will hit the spot. But as far from home as I will be, I will still be thinking of my one true love - my family! Despite the trials and tribulations I wouldn't want to be without any of them.

This looks like a fun - It will be put on my TO DO list!

Lets101 - Free Online Dating

Just for fun! LOL!

Get a cash advance

Another favourite analogy

While reading a book for parenting survival tips for children with ADD I was taken by an analogy the writer shared. She had met a remarkable woman who had a 10 year old diagnosed with ADHD and a 12 year old diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. Obviously this was very stressful on her but when she spoke of her stress she replied with this...

"I figure we're all plants in a garden. Some plants need a lot of sunshine, some need shade. Some you water all the time, others seek very dry places." She continued to describe her experience as a single mom ... "I just happen to have three wild varieties that you don't see often, but I love them for their distinctiveness."

This woman had an acceptance of her children's challenges and was very inspiring who saw her challenges to be managed with ingenuity and perseverance. She was a dedicated gardener of her boys spirits!

Oh how I wish I could think and feel like this woman every day. But I know that it would be impossible for me to go without the occasional rant or whine once in a while and I think it gets me back on track. When I need to get back on that train I so desperately wanted to get off in my previous post I read this quote! Her inspiration takes me away to a more positive space and place where I feel I can tackle anything and make a difference!

Trying and tiring times

I am a positive person. I am known to get the job done at whatever the cost. But sometimes "I just want to get off the train". You know that train that feels like it is heading down the steepest hill at top speed with the driver asleep at the wheel? I am sure if your a mom, you have felt like this at one time or another.

The bottom line is I am truthfully overwhelmed. My most recent revelations include realizing that not only do my oldest and youngest boys struggle with learning - it has come to my attention that my middle child is struggling with literacy also - two years behind in reading so they tell me. Not only that - he continues to be inattentive and a distrubance to himself and others in class - he apparently has a bad case of the fidgets! When I asked the teacher what I should do she told me to take out all the red dye in his diet and all the processed food. Now being the fountain of knowledge I am about special needs, I am acutely aware she has a hidden message - she suspects my child has ADD. Honestly, I have suspected this before but up until the past year, his perpetual motion has not interfered with his reading or learning. In part I blame myself - so much focus has been put on my other two children that Gregory just seem to get it so I guess I assumed he would continue to get it without much extra support. Not true apparently.

So here we go again. I have looked up the red dye thing in detail and I am making an attempt to try it - why the heck not eh? It might make all the difference in the world. But it will have to be on baby steps - honestly it is a huge learning curve. He is a picky eater so I give him vitamins - well guess what's in the vitamins? Red dye! LOL! Can't get any crazier than that.

On top of the red dye thing we got lucky - extra homework! Ugggh! But were persevering. I guess I feel like a winer, but frankly I am overloaded with the extra's - extra appointments, extra homework, extra tantrums due to the frustrations of the extra's! When will it end?!?

On top of this I have discovered my incredibly oppositional 13 year old has not been going on any class trips. He turned down Canada's Wonderland, the Science Centre and most recently the Royal Winter Fair. Socially he struggles but this is upseting for me to find out he would much prefer to sit around the classroom than experience the fun away from the drabness of the educational institution. I used to love school trips!

Then there is Justin - ruled out ADD, testing for Auditory Processing will be taking place in the new year with the reccomendation he should have a complete educational assessment as a generalized learning disability is being considered. Still on wait list for full OT assessment. Not surprised - but man is this all so very overloading at times. I mean I only want the best for my kids!

Throw in the usual 30 hour work week (which I love - helping other children and their families with special needs to reach their maximum potential), housework, groceries, time for myself, parents that live with us and have their own needs, the church nursery program and so on and so on... I must say today I am yelling STOP! the train...I need to get off - or at least please let it slow down!

Being uncomfortable in my own skin

I realized this week that lately I have been feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. What I mean is that surprisingly anxiety is taking hold at times and in places or situations that are surprising to me. Generally I hold things together very well, only having my "feathers" really ruffled on occasion. Not so this past month.

It's been bothering me this feeling of uneasiness. However, today I think I might have just figured out part of what is bothering me. A couple situations this past month have come up where I have had to stand my ground. I made a choice or decision that I felt needed defending and refused to alter even though the "flexible" person in me fought to break through. See that "flexible" person I have become was just plain tired of being flexible. But in it's place - uneasiness has taken over.

For years I have done for others, a people pleaser. That's not to say I haven't disppointed anyone - including myself. But I have sacrificed my needs for others 99% of the time. Does that mean I am unhappy? No it does not. Not at all. But I feel like it's time I learn to say - sometimes what I want HAS to come first.

Although I feel strongly about it being OK to be selfish once in a while and put myself first, I have an uneasiness about it - enough that at times I feel physically ill. So I am left asking the question - how can I learn to be more comfortable with putting myself first or being OK when my opinion is different than someone else's? I don't know - so I guess I will just have to practice.

So for those of you who know me as "flexible" Tracy - don't be discouraged. I still hope to be flexible most of the time. But don't be offeneded or surprised as I experiment with putting my needs before yours - just occasioanlly. It's for my own good! I think we should all try it once in a while.

The things you learn when you... just ask!

Sometimes we get so caught up in figuring out "why" our child misbehaves or isn't successful that we forget to ask the child. Simple matter of fact questions - no judgements - no expectations - just simple questions like "Why do you find that difficult?"

Here is where I am coming from. Tonight was meet the teacher night. All was going reasonably well until I hit that last classroom. It seems I saved the best for last. Upon introducing myself to this teacher as Mrs. Sherriff - Greg's mom, she politely asked me to step aside for a few minutes while she said a brief hello to the other families waiting to greet her. I was surprised to say the least, but did so, knowing this just can't be good.

So I waited patiently and then here it came. The infamous - he is not sitting still, blurting out answers, all over the room, not focused, a disturbance to himself and others. Now for those who don't know my history - I have 3 boys, 2 with learning difficulties and Greg my middle boy appeared to be the only one without "issues". A nice reprieve from the usual challenges. That was until grade 4 - last year - when his perpetual motion started to get him into trouble and affect his success.

Anyways, despite my obvious disappointment at these comments I was assured by the teacher that he was a pleasant boy, but needed to gain some self-control as his literacy grade was being affected. She wants to help him learn but he needs to sit still first. So as I worked hard to not have a complete meltdown right there, (believe me I was holding back tears), I once again drove home with questions - what can I do now to help him, I should be more strict - I should make him read more etc...it always boils down to me right - the mom?? Well it does let's face it!

Anyway - to the point! So I sit him down and gently try to explain to him what he needs to be doing more of - and less of. It is clear as I watch him as I speak to him, just how difficult it is for him to sit still. I guess I am just used to it. But wow - he was all over the place. Then all of a sudden he tells me that he doesn't like most books because when he touches the paper he gets all tingly inside. He proceeded to tell me how it makes him feel weird when the pages rub together, and how others turning pages can affect his ability to concentrate. He further explained that he can read books with smooth, glossy paper with greater success and that he loves to read biographies. WOW! WOW! WOW! I learned so much more from those few sentences than you can imagine.

Being a resource teacher I am aware of how sensitivities to various textures, sights and sounds can negatively affect learning and success. The whole sensory integration thing - the book the "Out of Sync Child" - says it all. A highly recommended read. Yet I never imagined that something like the texture of paper could affect my son so negatively but I do believe it! The paper rubbing for him is as disturbing as nails on a chalk board! No wonder he doesn't do it voluntarily - neither would I!

So our next goals will be to shop or borrow different books, and we agreed that he will sit down nightly with these glossy paper books, to hopefully further develop his interest in reading. Something so simple. Yet if I had come home angry, assuming he just wasn't working hard enough I never would have learned about the one thing that might make or break this child's literacy success. I can't control every book he has to read but it is a start and I have encouraged him to talk to his teacher about it. Let's hope she listens!

The ship has sailed!

So my hopes for a teacher who listens with an open heart and an open mind where answered. My meeting with Justin's teacher went awesome. Well at least I think so. It is weird - I feel happy even though I was told that my son requires an Individual Education Plan to succeed in grade one. I felt relieved that he will be turning 7 in January and his teacher will be referring him to have an assessment for CAPD - Central Auditory Processing Disorder. I am relieved that if that doesn't tell us anything and he still struggles, she will refer him for a full assessment. I am relieved she is already using some of the suggestions the OT has made and is excited to try some of the new ones. My feelings of happiness and relief aren't because I want something to be wrong with my boy, but that someone is actually listening and not going to play a painful waiting game. She knows what needs to be done, what steps need to be taken to keep this ship moving. It's music too my ears considering I had to argue to get my older boy noticed. At one point they towed some line that if I didn't medicate him they couldn't do anymore for him. Yes - they actually said that! Not that I am anti- medicine - we have been there and back again, but just the thought that that stipluation was made was shocking to me.

So the journey continues - destination unknown - but so far so good - Justin says he is beginning to like grade one - some fears already alleviated because this teacher understands, she guides and helps him. For once I can say with a smile - she is one step ahead of me - instead of the other way around.

Tiny Struggles

As a resource teacher, I meet children every day who face
unimagineable challenges in how they interact and integrate into the world. The world as we say it is supposed to be. Sometimes I get so frustrated that things are so black and white at times to us, that we can't embrace a different way of doing things. So instead we force each other to fit into the little moulds we create it in our minds.

My son Justin has been struggling at school during his kindergarten year. Most tell me that he will catch up, that the light bulb will click. I believe that could happen, but the liklihood of that happening without additional supports in and out of the classroom is limited. I worry about Justin. He is entering a new grade not having achieved the basics yet, and is going to be asked very quickly to build on those basics. In order to keep up to the curriculum, he and I feel pressured to "try" harder, "work" harder, "practice" more. But that in itself is a challenge. How do you fit "more" into an already full day. What do you say to a child who tells you I cried today mommy because I had to make o's.

Justin's recent OT consultation indicates things that were not a surprise to me. His low tone, and challenges with pencil grip - are making it difficult for him to learn to write. Pair that with his challenges in letter identification and literacy in general, things are not off to a great start. Thank goodness I am fortunate to have the money to hire someone privately to give us the tools we need to help him succeed. Justin has already been on a waiting list for 18 months - and it could go as long as 2 years because in the CCAC's eyes he is not "critical". Justin's needs are critical enough to me though. I want him to succeed before his frustration level peaks and we have an entirely new set of problems. Been there and done that!!!

I am happy that children with profound delays receive services and supports but I am frustrated that it seems like a child like mine has to fail before anyone takes notice or takes it seriously. Thanks goodness I am a strong advocate and have already begun the process of sharing information regularily with the school. But what about those other Justin's who's parents can't access private consultations or even more likely don't know who or what they are looking for? There children are being left behind. Those "gray" area kids who don't stand out enough deserve all the resources available to them as much as the other guy. Of course it is likely the services and supports would look so much different but just as important.

So knowing the "squeaky" wheel gets the grease, and knowing the process some from personal and professional expereince, I embark on yet another journey with another child. My only hope is that this year's teacher will listen with an open heart, and an open mind and act on these suggestions that have come at a price - a high one. I will do anything to help my child - but I am not naive enough to think I can help him on my own.

...and what will you require of me today Lord? May I be ready to serve you. I am your servant.

At a time in my life when I am immersed in the feeling of being overwhelmed, I was drawn to an article in Christian Women's Online Newsletter written by Darlene Schacht. She talked about living in the moment and taking all that God lays out for you each day with grace and dignity and truly serving the Lord.

Reading that it made me realize that I have been seeing the glass half empty the last few weeks and I need to see the opportunities before me as not an "inconvenience" but as an opportunity to serve God. Whether it is driving my son to a friends house when I just sat down with my coffee, or sitting with my step father on the porch waiting for the Darts bus, or cooking a quick meal before a football or soccer practice ~ these "inconvenience" are not an inconvenience at all - but opportunities to do nice things for others - truly putting someone else's needs before my own and ultimately serving the Lord.

With this reminder I hope to to be able to shift my feelings of being overwhelmed to that of being blessed and grateful for the people around me. Gratitude is a powerful thing!

"And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance; for ye serve the Lord Christ." ~ Colissians 3:23,24

As I browsed onward I also stumbled across o new blog called Joyful Life and the August 25, 2007 post entitled Sylvia:In Him. There are several contributors and Sylvia is one of them. This blog article was on the theme of encouragement. Something I need much of these days. The statement she reminds readers of is that God does not give you more than you can handle IN HIM." This article was a great reminder of how we cannot face the challenges of our lives without the grace and wisdom of our Lord ~ something else I have to work on.

I thank the Lord for the way he moves in our lives - today it seems he pointed me in the direction of these wonderful online resources that have inspired me to move forward with the strength he will offer me - but I have to ask (a wise Aunt of mine told me that recently also :)

Thank-you Lord for working so positively in my life, providing me with tools at my fingertips, thanking you for being there for me and of course providing me with the wonderful people in my life that I can lean on and open my heart to in times of need.

A copy of my facebook survey

"Write down the same number of random things about you as your age,things that most people don't know about you...so if you are 20-list 20 random things.

1. I love going to the cottage and sitting by the beach.
2. I have a short fuse at times - despite my calm, organized demeanour.
3. I never thought I could work with kids with special needs - now I am surrounded by them.
4. I crave chicken wings - all the time - why do you suppose that is?
5. I don't like leaving dirty dishes in the sink overnight - I do it sometimes - but I always regret it in the morning.
6. I frantically tidy the house before I leave for work so I don't have to come home to a huge mess.
7. I am taking the change your life challenge - I continue to look for new group members - need info? Just ask.
8. I absoolutely hate grocery shopping - it cost too much and all it represents to me is work, work, work.
9. The tooth fairy has forgotten to leave money more than once - I know very "sad". I get out of it though - need some excuses that WORK - just ask me.
10. I love wine - especially white wine and it can be cheap!
11. I had my first pedicure and manicure when I was 30.
12. I am as big small as my husband is big - he is 6 ft 7 inches.
13. I would love to learn to play golf someday.
14. I have been to Paris, France.
15. I have a lot of good friends but haven't felt like I had a best friend since highschool.
16. My kids host an insane number of sleepovers - I can't rationalize a good limit.
17. I have trouble resisting the pouty face.
18. I always bite off more than I can chew but ALWAYS find a way to pull it off.
19. I love technology - I am quite computer savvy.
20. I have designed a website for someone other than myself.
21. My first DVD video creation was a slideshow with music for Kim Arnold's 10th wedding anniversary. Now I create video's for almost anyone - business, pleasure etc and love it. Learn new effects everyday.
22. I am a soccer mom, hockey mom and football mom. Where do I find the time?
23. I run an Early Childhood Christian Education Program (aka nursery) on Sunday's at our church.
24. I assist at fundraising events for a mission in Africa - Titian Ministries.
25. I love to create - anything.
26. My desk is usually messy and my DR table is a hot spot for collecting mundane items that then have to be put away.
27. My hubby turns 40 this year and I can't decide if we take a trip - throw a party - or both.
28. My 9 year old is a social butterfly and I am finding it hard to keep up.
29. I lived in Dundas until I was 12.
30. I used to be a dancer - tapp, jazz, baton, ballet - I did my share of Santa Claus parades.
31. I would love to own my own business one day - if only I knew what kind and had enough guts - not much of a risk taker.
32. I was a mom before I got married - yes he's the dad!
33. I can still get addicted to a video game.
34. I love Days of Our Lives and Y&R - I have been know to watch several episodes at one time as I record to the PVR. Primetime shows - Desperate Housewives, 24, Prison Break, Nip Tuck, Grey's Anatomy and Brother's and Sisters.
35. I am wishing that facebook had a spell checker! Sorry for any mistakes - they are generaly as a result of dyslexic typing.

My new theme song

Artist/Band: Dawn Johnson Carolyn
Lyrics for Song: Dress Rehearsal
Lyrics for Album: Dress Rehearsal

Days pass me by just like moments
There here and then they're gone for good, for good
I work so hard at where I'm going
I wonder what I've missed

I can't remember the last time
I picked up the phone just to talk
For hours on end
Or sent a birthday card unbelated
Maybe I should slow down

Chorus
Life doesn't wait for us to get it right
Day after night
It just goes on when it goes wrong
It goes and then it's gone
So I'm gonna do my best
To make the most of it
Avoid regret, Yeah
Take a breath and relize
Time is irreversible
This ain't no dress rehearsal

I've always got a big to-do list
Oh, but there's so much more to do, to see
I want to
Know that I didn't leave I love yous
Trapped within my heart
There won't always be another day to
Say all the things you wanna say, so don't, don't wait
Wait for the perfect situation
It will never come around

Chorus

And when the show is over
And they lay me down
I want to be remembered for the love I spread around

Chorus

Another aha moment? Maybe!

As I sit here wrapping up one of my many tasks - tasks that I volunteered to do I looked around at my messy home. Despite my best efforts, I have not managed to keep up on all my responsibilities and cut stars, make fake money, iron on t-shirt transfers, cut letters, type newsleters and run a Sunday children's ministry - plus work 30 hours and look after 3 kids, 7 cats, 1 sick dog and the like. As I looked around and got mad at myself for my unkept home (not even that bad really considering), I had a thought. Instead of being mad at myself for not having the time to keep my house as tidy as I would like, I should be thankful that I was able to let those tasks go - even for a short while so I could enjoy some special moments of parent hood. Helping your child's teacher prepare materials for a play your child has the lead in, is much more important and rewarding and will likely be remebered more than if you leave an occasional sink full of dishes.

Could this be an a-ha moment for me I wonder? Will I be able to let myself go to bed and not be upset if there are some things just left undone. I might just be able to now!

One of my favourite passages

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

My Birthday means...

This was eerie when I read this considering my recent post!!!

***Your Birthdate: September 23***


You're not good at any one thing, and that's the problem.
You're good at so much - you never know what to do.
Change is in your blood, and you don't stick to much for long.
You are destined for a life of travel and fun.

Your strength: Your likeability

Your weakness: You never feel satisfied

Your power color: Bright yellow

Your power symbol: Asterisk

Your power month: May


What Does Your Birth Date Mean?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/

Where does the time go?

It seems lately my mind is full of endless possibilities and opportunities that keep a knocking at my door. The trouble is, all of these thoughts and opportunities have now clouded my mind. I no longer know where to start or sometimes how to finish. I find myself contemplating the notion that I have to put things on hold, that I can't do everything. A notion that is quite difficult to accept when everything you want to do seems so necessary and purposeful. So today I am left searching for the answer...maybe tomorrow it will come!

My Celebrity Look Alikes

New Addiction

FACEBOOK (Who came up with that name anyway?) Great way to reconnect with friends.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=622495119

Kitties!

Well the little kittens are exactly 10 days old today. Boy are they growing fast. For those of you who are hearing about them for the first time they were born in our closet but a stray cat that recently had adopted us. I only suspected she was pregnant on the Monday and low and behold by the Tuesday she had delivered her litter of 4. It amazes me how mama knows just what to do. There are no doctors, no public health nureses to tell her how to nurse - it's exciting to watch her take care of her kittens. Awwwwww!

Words can mean more than we know

I had an email conversation with Justin's kindergarten teacher today. I am working on a slide show project for open house at the school in May. In the email I indicated that Justin was becoming a rhyming machine. Rhyming has been a challenge for Justin to learn. As it turns out Justin's teacher told him how happy she was for him when he could rhyme some words that rhyme with stop in class last week. Justin didn't really react. Since I told her how Justin's confidence has grown in this area over the past week she realizes how her comments made more impact on him than she thought. You just never know how what we say to people will be received. His brothers aren't loving it though - they are getting overwhelmed with rhyming words all day long.

More on my journals

Here are two more of my visual journals. The first one is combining words and pictures with paper tearing. The second is all about colour. It's amazing really the fun I am having. I suppose without more explanation one might wonder what this is all about. I want to reserve my thoughts until I get further into my projects. When I read the words and look at the pictures I choose I can see a story emerging. Until I completed the colour page I never really new why I liked this shade of blue so much. What a peaceful feeling of serenity it brings in all the images. Even the salad tongs. I want a pair! lol.

Creative Juices are Flowing

So today I did a little of this and a little of that. Still feeling under the weather I decided to nurture my creative and physical side by taking it easy. I continued my visual journaling journey - my newest scrapbooking trend and I must say I am finding it very insightful.

I also put together another mini movie that I posted on my video blog.

It's our vocal group from church. We had a performance not long ago at a Martin Luther King celebration. I really enjoy the group and the song selections. And really, we don't sound all that bad. LOL. Seriously we have some talent amongst us.

New Adventures

Well in less than 3 weeks I will be embarking on a weekend at the Mad Scrapper's retreat. I am a scrapbooker - passionate, creative and loving it. Why else would I book a weekend away at a hotel in my VERY OWN CITY if I was all of those things? Anyways, to get my mind going I decided to take a class on visual journaling. This is defined as combining words, collage and creativity for self-discovery. I have only just embarked on this journey so I am not quite sure what to make of it. Yet here is my first creation. I chose a 9x9 size as I am creating a 9x9 scrapbook of just me - something I can leave my children. The edge is cut off a bit as my scanner was just a little too small but here it is. What it all means - I am not too sure. The instructions are clear - follow the instructions to the letter - next week I will get some possible insight into what I have just completed. I will of course share this with my readers. I am not sure if any AHA moments will surface but you never know.

I am taking the visual journaling course at Change Your Life Challenge. I am not sure if there is still room in the workshop but if you have an interest in discoveries, new perspectives and insight - this might be the class for you. I will keep you posted on how it's going.


Have a great and wonderful day!

Ok, so it has been a while since I posted. I have just started my new job at HDCCPC as a Resource Teacher with Preschool Children. This is an old reignited passion of mine and I am so glad to be back. I found this poem today which I wanted to post. It really explains why I love to do what I do and the feelings of hope and enthusiasm it brings me

I Am the Child
I am the child who cannot talk.You often pity me, I see it in your eyes.You wonder how much I am aware of - I see that as well.I am aware of much - whether you are happy or sad or fearful,patient or impatient, full of love and desire,or if you are just doing your duty by me.I marvel at your frustration, knowing mine to be far greater,for I cannot express myself or my needs as you do.
You cannot conceive my isolation, so complete it is at times. I do not gift you with clever conversation, cute remarks to be laughed over and repeated. I do not give you answers to your everyday questions, responses over my well-being, sharing my needs, or comments about the world about me.I do not give you rewards as defined by the world's standards -great strides in development that you can credit yourself.I do not give you understanding as you know it.
What I give you is so much more valuable - I give you instead opportunities. Opportunities to discover the depth of your character, not mine; the depth of your love, your commitment, your patience, your abilities; the opportunity to explore your spirit more deeply than you imagined possible. I drive you further than you would ever go on your own, working harder, seeking answers to your many questions with no answers. I am the child who cannot talk.
I am the child who cannot walk. The world seems to pass me by. You see the longing in my eyes to get out of this chair, to run and play like other children. There is much you take for granted.I want the toys on the shelf, I need to go to the bathroom, oh I've dropped my fork again. I am dependant on you in these ways. My gift to you is to make you more aware of your great fortune, your healthy back and legs, your ability to do for yourself. Sometimes people appear not to notice me; I always notice them. I feel not so much envy as desire, desire to stand upright, to put one foot in front of the other, to be independent.I give you awareness. I am the child who cannot walk.
I am the child who is mentally impaired. I don't learn easily, if you judge me by the world's measuring stick, what I do know is infinite joy in simple things. I am not burdened as you are with the strifes and conflicts of a more complicated life. My gift to you is to grant you the freedom to enjoy things as a child, to teach you how much your arms around me mean, to give you love. I give you the gift of simplicity. I am the child who is mentally impaired.
I am the disabled child.I am your teacher. If you allow me, I will teach you what is really important in life. I will give you and teach you unconditional love. I gift you with my innocent trust, my dependency upon you. I teach you about how precious this life is and about not taking things for granted. I teach you about forgetting your own needs and desires and dreams. I teach you giving. Most of all I teach you hope and faith. I am the disabled child.
- Author Unknown

Please feel free to view my video made in support of Titian Ministries. For more information on how you can support the mission email jillhood@sympatico.ca

Embracing the Day - Part 2

So I embraced the day yesterday- I put most of my mundane tasks to the wind and concentrated on family. I learned a few things about my children in the process. I learned Justin can know confidently draw clouds, bikes, houses, garages and fruit. This is huge as Justin is turning 6 this week (tomorrow actually) and has demonstrated some challenges and mild delays in the fine motor area. We have been drawing stick people for 2 years LOL. I also made boiled eggs and taught Justin the fine art of dipping toast fingers. Toast fingers come from my childhood and I had never shared that with my children before. I learned the Gregory is showing an interest in drawing characters - Captain Jack and the Family Guy family. He is really showing some talent. I worked on our family puzzle with my children, and even playing some video games. My older boy was nearby on the computer but wasn't too interested in us - must be the age. But he knew we were here if he wanted us. I had a good time just kickin' back and living in the moment a bit more - just me and the kids.

So today it was back to the norm - school and a brisk cold morning. Ughhh I hate winter!

Embracing the Day

Today is a snow day! An unexpected one for me as I awoke to my 12 year old announcing he thinks he read the school closure on the TV screen because our local newsroom was in "storm watch" mode. I conformed his excitement and proceeded to analyze just how I would spend my day.

When I am granted a few extra hours of time I often think about how much I can accomplish. I often plan to complete a wide variety of chores or projects that have been left undone.

Today I have decide to embrace the snow day. I hope to maybe work on a puzzle we have been doing as a family, play a game, read a book, maybe scrapbook or maybe even enjoy some video games with my kids. After all, why do I have to spend every minute cramming in things that likely will go unnoticed or appreciated? I want to embrace the day and create a memory. That's what I intend to do today! Today is a perfect day to take photo's and scrapbook "A Sherriff Snow Day - 2007". What kind of lasting impression do I intend to leave? One of fun and relaxation - let's see if I can force myself out of old patterns and make it happen!

Tracy

Life Scraps Presented By Tracy Sherriff – Scrapbooker and Storyteller

Scrapbooking isn’t about scraps of paper and photo’s. Scrapbooking is about scraps of life, yours and those special to you.
Author Rebecca Sower. Taken from Chicken Soup for The Scrapbooker’s Soul

No one can pass through life, any more than he can pass through a bit of country, without leaving tracks behind, and those tracks may often be helpful to those coming after him finding his way.
Author Sir Robert Baden – Powell. Taken from Soup for The Scrapbooker’s Soul

Quick Start Guide to Storytelling about Yourself
A Day in the Life of Me – scrapbook about your typical day
Weekend Fun
Bedtime – your habits, clothes or rituals
Snow Days – Digging out – storms to remember
Dinner's at Our House – typical Menu’s, table settings, prayers
Family Funnies – stories you share that make people laugh
Worship – where we worship and how we worship
Pets
Places – favourite haunts, movie theatres, shopping centers, grocery stores
Out to Eat – Favourite Restaurants and things you “usually order”
Family Tree – who we are and how we met
Heritage Page – traditions, background
Decade in Review – what do you remember – what was significant
History in the Making - current events
I remember When I was...
What if's
We Were There When...
The Year I was Born
New Year’s Eve
Holiday Newsletters
Entertainment – what we do for fun, idols, books, music we love
My Work
Milestones and Personal Achievements
Cherished Moments
Favourite Sayings
Silly Stuff – Laugh at Yourself
My Family – how my family affects me and my relationships
Grattitude - what I am thsnkful for
Turning Points

Tapping into Memories
o Go through old photo albums – yours and others
o Interview Relatives
o Research an era
o Use your library, internet
o Listen to Old Music
o Hold keepsakes
o Start to journal regularly – current events

Consider
Clipping newspaper articles
Select a scripture
Share favourite quotes or lines from a storybook
Add poems, recipes, cards, sentiments and notes
Ideas compiled from various sources

THOUGHTS TO PONDER

“Today, my daughter is one year, eight months, and six days old. This morning we played peek-a-boo for fifteen minutes straight. This afternoon on our walk, we counted 11 basketball hoops in the neighborhood and picked two dandelions. This evening we read Fish Wish and Goodnight Moon, three and five times respectively, before we said our prayers. I remember well what we did today, how much we laughed, and the songs we sang. But ask me what we did last week and I have trouble recalling even the simplest of details. We can joke that “motherhood does that to you” (and every mother knows this is true), but what I love most about scrapbooking is that I can forever capture these precious daily events, and keep them close to my heart. “My scrapbooks are detailed chronicles of my life, my family, and our stories! Each page is a labor of love (and often sweat, tears, and lots of embellishments), and tells a different story from our past. When I have long forgotten how old Sam was when she took her first steps, lost her first tooth, or went on her first date, my scrapbooks will still remember. Every time I turn the pages, the sweet events of years gone by will be revisited and experienced anew. “So, today Samantha is one year, eight months, and six days old. But someday she will be 21, and I’ll long to remember what today was like as I sit in my “empty nest.” Someday Sam will be 41, and I will show her children what their mommy looked like, and what she was doing at their age. And, Lord willing, when I am gone, my dear Sam will show her grandchildren these wonderful books, and our precious memories will live on forever.”
Nona Davenport from Close To My Heart Keynotes Dec. 2006/Jan. 2007

Chasing the Impossible

Throughout my years as a mom (almost 13 now) I have struggled to find the best career fit to perfectly balance the needs of my children and family. I started working full-time with one child, then two. Being that I felt overwhelmed and overworked, I stayed home for 3 years plus after my third child was born, as a home child care provider, thinking that this career would fulfill all of my balancing needs. After feeling overworked and isolated, I then to returned to the workforce part-time in 2004. That worked for a while and then after some thought I narrowed down my part-time hours to the bare minimum (4 hours per week) and left a position that was more than stressful at times, yet challenging and invigorating to now focus on the family.

Thinking this would be the best decision, I expected I would be home everyday for the kids after school, see them off in the mornings, go on school trips, have an exceptionally clean home, have tea with friends and family, excercise, go to lunch with my husband, have dinner on the table with ease, not do my shopping on the weekends and accomplish having a well organized and exceptionally managed home.

Well six months later I can tell you that on some levels things have improved - not playing "Beat The Clock" so much BUT I still play laundry catch up, still feel stretched to get the kids where they need to be as often as they need to be, still do most of the chores around the house, still hate to grocery shop and have difficulty getting dinner on the table and many more things - dare I mention- like excercising (not happening!!!) My house is still messy at times, my kids still forget to do their homework and their chores, we still run out of socks and loose our sports equipment. I still have piles of papers and things to sort, Christmas decorations lining the laundry room floor waiting to be put away. I still have plenty of stressful moments and often don't spend what I feel is enough quality time with the kids.

So what is it I have accomplished you ask from being home with my children? While aside from being there most often when they need me I volunteer with the CAS, design websites, work on computer projects, coordinate a Sunday School Nursery program, lead scrapbook workshops, go on the occasioanl school trip, work at Mohawk College (4 hours per week) and generally make busy work for myself in my more than ample spare time. It's not that I have not thoroughly enjoyed working on all of these projects - without them I would not be fulfulled (so if I recently did a project for you don't feel awkward about this post - I loved all the outcomes). I love "busy" work.

I guess the long end of it is that no matter what you decide to do or how you decide to balance all of your career needs with your family, I have come to the conclusion that there is no perfect fit. We often trade one set of problems for another without even realizing it. Some good, and some bad. With that being said, I am again considering returning to work P/T to do the thing I loved the most - be a Resource Teacher to small children. Yes it will be busy, but clearly I have accepted that being busy is the only thing that makes me happy.

So for all you moms out there that might see me and think I have it all together - look again. All I do is my best with each day - as often as I can and I know you do to. Nothing is perfect - we just live daily in organized chaos and that's the way I like it.

Scrapbooking Inspiration

I am getting ready to give a scrapbook workshop on Thursday to the over 55 club at the Salvation Army Dundas. That paired with the new supplies my husband so generously purchased for me for Christmas I have begun to put some new pages together. Here are a few samples. Inspiration comes from all over for me, but my latest read is Chicken Soup for the Scrapbooker's Soul. Highly recommend it. Some of the quotes I have read in there are so captivating and thought provoking - like if if I don't tell my story who will??? Are you telling your story - and if so are they preserving it for you? Hmmmmm - thoughts to ponder.

So my photo on the right. Well I feel I must explain. This is a photo of me a few months ago at a charity fundraiser. Yes - if you look closely I am wearing a white bra with pink bows attached and a pink lay around my neck. Of course the significance of a bra and the colour pink helps to identify the charity - Breast Cancer. Now wearing this "team" costume, (which I will say I did not design) was a huge thing for me. Not only do I not really like to draw attention to myself, I most certainly do not see my "breasts" as my greatest asset. LOL. Anyways, the photo fits nicely with my background colours and since I am a scrapbooker - colour rules my world when laying out a page.

Our team won best costume that day and we raised a fair bit of cash. My grandmother died of breast cancer and it affects so many around us. I had a great time that day, bowling with the staff of my son's daycare. If you ever get a chance to do something fun like this I highly encourage it. I would much rather support someone in this type of event than the relentless calls I get from charities of all shapes and sizes.

I am not saying they aren't valid or needed - but come on - how many people can I sponsor in one day, week or month? If I could help them all I would but I don't like feeling guilty when I can't. Who knew that this would be the first topic of my blog - gee I think this is going to be fun!

Blogging - who knew that such a thing would even exist some years ago. The purpose of my blog is to be able to "ponder" my thoughts as often as time permits without the fear of loosing those pieces of paper, the very paper that I have pondered my thoughts on many times before and LOST. I loose everything - keys, credit cards, phone numbers, clothes, books - you name it - so why would I expect a piece of paper would be any different? I have even spent an hour writing a grocery list, taking special care not to forget anything that might be important to those I care for - only to loose it or forget it before I even get to the store! I know I am not the only one, come on, admit it!

Being an avid scrapbooker I recognize and promote the art of journaling. Yet somehow my own journaling gets put to the way side. Since I am absolutely lost without my computer, I hope this blog will be the answer.

So I invite you to journey with me. Journey with me through my thoughts - moment to moment, day to day. Perhaps the moments spent pondering and writing will not be lost to those that may someday want to read them.