I realized this week that lately I have been feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. What I mean is that surprisingly anxiety is taking hold at times and in places or situations that are surprising to me. Generally I hold things together very well, only having my "feathers" really ruffled on occasion. Not so this past month.
It's been bothering me this feeling of uneasiness. However, today I think I might have just figured out part of what is bothering me. A couple situations this past month have come up where I have had to stand my ground. I made a choice or decision that I felt needed defending and refused to alter even though the "flexible" person in me fought to break through. See that "flexible" person I have become was just plain tired of being flexible. But in it's place - uneasiness has taken over.
For years I have done for others, a people pleaser. That's not to say I haven't disppointed anyone - including myself. But I have sacrificed my needs for others 99% of the time. Does that mean I am unhappy? No it does not. Not at all. But I feel like it's time I learn to say - sometimes what I want HAS to come first.
Although I feel strongly about it being OK to be selfish once in a while and put myself first, I have an uneasiness about it - enough that at times I feel physically ill. So I am left asking the question - how can I learn to be more comfortable with putting myself first or being OK when my opinion is different than someone else's? I don't know - so I guess I will just have to practice.
So for those of you who know me as "flexible" Tracy - don't be discouraged. I still hope to be flexible most of the time. But don't be offeneded or surprised as I experiment with putting my needs before yours - just occasioanlly. It's for my own good! I think we should all try it once in a while.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Thursday, October 4, 2007
The things you learn when you... just ask!
Sometimes we get so caught up in figuring out "why" our child misbehaves or isn't successful that we forget to ask the child. Simple matter of fact questions - no judgements - no expectations - just simple questions like "Why do you find that difficult?"
Here is where I am coming from. Tonight was meet the teacher night. All was going reasonably well until I hit that last classroom. It seems I saved the best for last. Upon introducing myself to this teacher as Mrs. Sherriff - Greg's mom, she politely asked me to step aside for a few minutes while she said a brief hello to the other families waiting to greet her. I was surprised to say the least, but did so, knowing this just can't be good.
So I waited patiently and then here it came. The infamous - he is not sitting still, blurting out answers, all over the room, not focused, a disturbance to himself and others. Now for those who don't know my history - I have 3 boys, 2 with learning difficulties and Greg my middle boy appeared to be the only one without "issues". A nice reprieve from the usual challenges. That was until grade 4 - last year - when his perpetual motion started to get him into trouble and affect his success.
Anyways, despite my obvious disappointment at these comments I was assured by the teacher that he was a pleasant boy, but needed to gain some self-control as his literacy grade was being affected. She wants to help him learn but he needs to sit still first. So as I worked hard to not have a complete meltdown right there, (believe me I was holding back tears), I once again drove home with questions - what can I do now to help him, I should be more strict - I should make him read more etc...it always boils down to me right - the mom?? Well it does let's face it!
Anyway - to the point! So I sit him down and gently try to explain to him what he needs to be doing more of - and less of. It is clear as I watch him as I speak to him, just how difficult it is for him to sit still. I guess I am just used to it. But wow - he was all over the place. Then all of a sudden he tells me that he doesn't like most books because when he touches the paper he gets all tingly inside. He proceeded to tell me how it makes him feel weird when the pages rub together, and how others turning pages can affect his ability to concentrate. He further explained that he can read books with smooth, glossy paper with greater success and that he loves to read biographies. WOW! WOW! WOW! I learned so much more from those few sentences than you can imagine.
Being a resource teacher I am aware of how sensitivities to various textures, sights and sounds can negatively affect learning and success. The whole sensory integration thing - the book the "Out of Sync Child" - says it all. A highly recommended read. Yet I never imagined that something like the texture of paper could affect my son so negatively but I do believe it! The paper rubbing for him is as disturbing as nails on a chalk board! No wonder he doesn't do it voluntarily - neither would I!
So our next goals will be to shop or borrow different books, and we agreed that he will sit down nightly with these glossy paper books, to hopefully further develop his interest in reading. Something so simple. Yet if I had come home angry, assuming he just wasn't working hard enough I never would have learned about the one thing that might make or break this child's literacy success. I can't control every book he has to read but it is a start and I have encouraged him to talk to his teacher about it. Let's hope she listens!
Here is where I am coming from. Tonight was meet the teacher night. All was going reasonably well until I hit that last classroom. It seems I saved the best for last. Upon introducing myself to this teacher as Mrs. Sherriff - Greg's mom, she politely asked me to step aside for a few minutes while she said a brief hello to the other families waiting to greet her. I was surprised to say the least, but did so, knowing this just can't be good.
So I waited patiently and then here it came. The infamous - he is not sitting still, blurting out answers, all over the room, not focused, a disturbance to himself and others. Now for those who don't know my history - I have 3 boys, 2 with learning difficulties and Greg my middle boy appeared to be the only one without "issues". A nice reprieve from the usual challenges. That was until grade 4 - last year - when his perpetual motion started to get him into trouble and affect his success.
Anyways, despite my obvious disappointment at these comments I was assured by the teacher that he was a pleasant boy, but needed to gain some self-control as his literacy grade was being affected. She wants to help him learn but he needs to sit still first. So as I worked hard to not have a complete meltdown right there, (believe me I was holding back tears), I once again drove home with questions - what can I do now to help him, I should be more strict - I should make him read more etc...it always boils down to me right - the mom?? Well it does let's face it!
Anyway - to the point! So I sit him down and gently try to explain to him what he needs to be doing more of - and less of. It is clear as I watch him as I speak to him, just how difficult it is for him to sit still. I guess I am just used to it. But wow - he was all over the place. Then all of a sudden he tells me that he doesn't like most books because when he touches the paper he gets all tingly inside. He proceeded to tell me how it makes him feel weird when the pages rub together, and how others turning pages can affect his ability to concentrate. He further explained that he can read books with smooth, glossy paper with greater success and that he loves to read biographies. WOW! WOW! WOW! I learned so much more from those few sentences than you can imagine.
Being a resource teacher I am aware of how sensitivities to various textures, sights and sounds can negatively affect learning and success. The whole sensory integration thing - the book the "Out of Sync Child" - says it all. A highly recommended read. Yet I never imagined that something like the texture of paper could affect my son so negatively but I do believe it! The paper rubbing for him is as disturbing as nails on a chalk board! No wonder he doesn't do it voluntarily - neither would I!
So our next goals will be to shop or borrow different books, and we agreed that he will sit down nightly with these glossy paper books, to hopefully further develop his interest in reading. Something so simple. Yet if I had come home angry, assuming he just wasn't working hard enough I never would have learned about the one thing that might make or break this child's literacy success. I can't control every book he has to read but it is a start and I have encouraged him to talk to his teacher about it. Let's hope she listens!
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