Being uncomfortable in my own skin

I realized this week that lately I have been feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. What I mean is that surprisingly anxiety is taking hold at times and in places or situations that are surprising to me. Generally I hold things together very well, only having my "feathers" really ruffled on occasion. Not so this past month.

It's been bothering me this feeling of uneasiness. However, today I think I might have just figured out part of what is bothering me. A couple situations this past month have come up where I have had to stand my ground. I made a choice or decision that I felt needed defending and refused to alter even though the "flexible" person in me fought to break through. See that "flexible" person I have become was just plain tired of being flexible. But in it's place - uneasiness has taken over.

For years I have done for others, a people pleaser. That's not to say I haven't disppointed anyone - including myself. But I have sacrificed my needs for others 99% of the time. Does that mean I am unhappy? No it does not. Not at all. But I feel like it's time I learn to say - sometimes what I want HAS to come first.

Although I feel strongly about it being OK to be selfish once in a while and put myself first, I have an uneasiness about it - enough that at times I feel physically ill. So I am left asking the question - how can I learn to be more comfortable with putting myself first or being OK when my opinion is different than someone else's? I don't know - so I guess I will just have to practice.

So for those of you who know me as "flexible" Tracy - don't be discouraged. I still hope to be flexible most of the time. But don't be offeneded or surprised as I experiment with putting my needs before yours - just occasioanlly. It's for my own good! I think we should all try it once in a while.